Nyctophilia

Nyctophilia- (n) is the love of darkness or night. Finding relaxation or comfort in the darkness. 

I woke up one night because the moon was shining on my face and I felt content and alone at the same time. I love the moon it's seems so far away yet so close. 

 I don't want to go outside into the brightness of the day because I feel vulnerable and exposed, I want to stay inside and read all day while sipping on a cup of tea with the curtains drawn. 

our life with cats

So I'm at Jordan and she's been sick all day so in a act of boredom I ended up creating these:

stressing 'bout tomorrow

So lately I’ve been super worried about my future. Am I going to be successful? Will my life go as planned? Will I meet that person? It’s all just so much to think about and just so stressful. On the one hand I want nothing more than to be finished with school and to start living my life in the real world but on the other I just want to stay forever young.

I really just want to travel and see more of our world. I’m also seriously contemplating getting a tattoo, I already know what I want and where I’ll get it, now I just need work up enough courage to actually do it.

Oh and we had a spring dance this week:

i found these pictures that i just had to share:

the perfect bikini 

Okay so that’s what’s been going on in my head lately. It feels like I haven’t spoken to you in ages, I miss you quite a lot. I love you xxx

(bun to bellie)

New shoes on the block

All leather white high tops. Want this. 

Opportunity bless my soul

Dates. How are people so use to them? How do people have relationships? It's so hard. And nevermind how awkward it is. 

Who says what? What questions are you meant to ask? How do you know if it is what you want? 

Enough of that let me fill you in. So I went on a date to go and watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show (points for originality ) and it was a brilliant show! After that it was the typical dinner afterwards which was also fine. I decided to eat sushi( never eat that on a date) but I had a smoothie before so I could only eat one piece and that seems like one of those date fads were the girl doesn't eat any of her food. 

Later into the evening we sat on a concrete wall and suddenly it fell like I couldn't breathe because I suddenly realized what if somehow he was to be the one. But I'm only seventeen how can I be ready to make that kind of decision and scenes from the notebook where zooming in my head and I thought; they fell in love when they were seventeen. I'm not ready and I don't think I ever will be. I don't know enough . And I'm definitely not necessarily a girl somebody wants to be in love with. 

Bottom line is I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 

                                    'Our hand-shake' 

     

And crawling... on the planet's face... some insects... called the human race. Lost in time... and lost in space.... and meaning

Why can't it be this simple x 

be, don't try to become

Okaay so lately nothing is really working out in my life and I've been trying to stay positive through it all but it's so hard, JEEZ! And now with the whole rtd thing I literally just wanna crawl into my cave (bedroom) and never come out ever again, because life and all the stress that comes with it is just getting too much for me.

BUT on a good note I'm getting new movies on my harddrive this weekend YAY!YAY!YAY!
And then I'll make a post about the ones I loved so you can also go watch them YES!!!

And my thoughts and the way I react to things are changing daily, I LOVE IT. I feel as if I am well on my way to becoming the person I will one day BE.

SEVENTEEN IS AN AMAZING AGE! Its exactly how i imagined it.

"before i tell my life what i want to do with it, i must listen to my life telling me who i am"

Shoes shoes shoes

I saw these shoes at Zara! How beautiful. X 

Mundane Mondays

I was reading some of our posts and I saw most of them are kind of sad so I decided to make a happy post :) first I have to bore you with the events of my day though : I woke up at 6:45 am so that I can shower I then had to get a few forms signed for school after that I packed my bag and was ready to go . See I had to film a slam poem for English so I had to be at school extra early ( I'll post it later ). You can gather from all this that it was a hectic morning . I didn't even have breakfast and I forgot to pack lunch so I was left hungry the whoooole day. Lessons were chilled, nothing fun happened . I then came home to an upside down mess because my brother decided to move rooms. 

I was calmly sitting and sipping at my tea when suddenly I realized I had to be at school again at 5 for rehearsal . SHIT 

I jumped around the house grabbing heels and homework and any food items I could find. I was 20 minutes late for practice. 

The main reason for my post , besides really wanting to share my day events with you, was that while my grade was performing for the fashion show I realized how much I love each and every person in my grade and I just felt so content and fulfilled with life. I suppose it's just one of my happy days again. 

Back to my day : I then got home at 8 to a house full of varsity students and a bowl of noodles and chicken. I ate it and fell asleep with the bowl in my hand. I woke up again because I have a lot to do tomorrow so I had to start somewhere. 

I hope I didn't bore you.  

emotions are dumb

Okay fine they aren't really dumb, they are just so uncontrollable. I hate that the smallest things can get me so upset and I hate that thanks to emotions you are upset too. I just want to see you and laugh with you. And I want you to feel better and know that I really do care about you and I think the emotions are just symptoms of missing each other.

(bun to bellie)

Down by the river

Last night I went to a birthday party and while the song Down by the river - milky chance started playing I suddenly longed for your company and I couldn't understand why it is that people drink themselves sick , is it the only way to find happiness in this day and time.

I've been really emotional lately, I had to run to the bathroom twice on Friday because I nearly started crying and I don't know what it is. I don't know who to talk to about it so I'm telling you. 

This is exactly how I feel . 

I miss you and love you x 

(bellie - bun)