drowning in the stresses of tomorrow

The stress of next year being my last year of high school is really starting to get to me. I feel so helpless. I haven't done too well grades wise and i feel like im going to to be stuck for the rest of my life doing something i hate. Peoples judgement is also just getting waaay to much for me to handle. Ok well i wrote this poem to try and describe the way i feel uhh well here it is. I made it pretty so ye ah this is actually so awkward...

(bun to bellie)

GAP YEAR

“In the professional or career world, a gap year is when you stop your formal work life to pursue other interests” (taken from Wikipedia)

I find this whole concept so crazy actually. You take a year off to “live” your life the way you want. But you come back after that year of life how you truly want it just to conform to a way of life you actually don’t want but agree to. Just to keep society (your friends and family) happy. So you forget about your happiness and mental well-being all because you want to please everyone, because we’re all too afraid to try something out of the ordinary due to our unnecessary fear of being JUDGED.

Anyway I sort of feel like we have to take a gap year together and whether or not we decide to continue living our lives abroad or to come back to join the plan society has for us. At least we will always be able to say that we tried a different way of living.

Some ideas on things we could do:

-    Teach English. Someone actually told me about this today all you need to do is a course that isn’t much longer than 2 weeks.

-     Wing it. Maybe start a youtube channel to document our travels and experiences.

-     Become nannies

-     Follow Bakermat around until he loves us the way we love him, haha

lets go for an adventure

We arrived way ahead of schedule at the hotel. Which is highly unusual for our family, as we are always always late. When we arrived my brother and I went exploring, like back when we were little and we would go explore "the oh so mysterious area" the moment we arrived at a holiday destination.

We walked to a cave that looked out onto the ocean with sand dunes in the background. Being me I forgot any form of a camera so you will have to create the image in your mind.

The water was the colour of emeralds and the dark rocks contrasted against the water like black against white.
Sea gulls moaned in the background while the waves crashed and roared as the moon brought the tide in. In one of the water pools near me a tiny crab was making its way to another rock, starfish were glued onto the rocks and mussels lined the rocks with their blue and white shells. It felt as though I was on a island far away from civilisation.

Although I wish I could've shared this experience with my friend we had to say our goodbyes for now ,I hope. As we have to go our separate ways for the duration of the holidays.

I think the only reason this post is so intimate and almost story-like is because whilst writing it I had a song by Nico Pusch on repeat in the background

                                                                  (bellie to bun)

I don't know what to call this post

tell me what we are?
tell me where we come from?

Last night while we were out with friends I just wanted to know what was going on in each individuals mind. how every single person felt and what they where thinking.

enough of me trying to be philosophical

So we discovered our favourite drink: It's called a steelworks ,which is oddly enough a south african drink most well known amongst golfers. There is virtually no restaurant that sells this so it adds to the joy of drinking it because it feels like it could be the last one for a very long time.

here are the ingredients:

Ingredients

1 Tbsp Kola tonic 

4 drops bitters 

Ginger beer 

Soda water 

I don't actually know wether it is correct because there were so many recipes to choose from. 

I feel like this post is going to be mainly about drinks. I also discovered a little store that sells vietnamese coffee. they get it straight from Vietnam. The coffee is made in a very interesting looking plunger type thing. I've been trying to track down the store, it was at a market hence I don't know where they are based, because the coffee was so divine.

As it filters the ground coffee it fills up your cup and you can drink it straight away. 

 

MY HEAD IS A JUNGLE

A while back we happened to both try and call each other to tell each other about this amazing DJ that we had both discovered. It happened to be the same person, Bakermat. So that was where our journey began.

Last night our lives were changed. We went to watch BAKERMAT live.
We started dancing about an half hour before he came on. It is so hard to describe to someone the sensation of listening to your favourite DJ live. You feel sort of isolated and in a state of bliss.

We woke up this morning trying to remember this incredible set that he played. Neither of us could remember the words which obviously didn't help. We searched all those typical music sites. Till suddenly the words started flooding back. "My head is a..." We both started singing the rest and found it online. So of course here it is :

After this picture was taken he had to leave but neither of us wanted to let go .

You've been so good to me

We woke up rather early. 

Let's not say what time it was. 

We decided to make omelettes but according to my brother ( that's me, bellie's, brother). We had to make it "his" way which he claimed to have more of an "airy, softness" 

It was honestly not so different to a normal one but nonetheless omelette is omelette. 

So off we went to visit a friend in Constantia. She offered us ginger ale and slightly under baked carrot cake. As if we hadn't eaten enough already we stopped at Charly's Bakery. Neither of us had ever been before, it felt so glamorous. 

We then got dropped off at Clifton 4th. We swam in the ice-cold water and went rock exploring, wishing we could be out on one of the yachts that were anchored in the bay. 

We then walked to the 2nd beach and decided to swim again. Seeing as we were just dropped off we of course didn't have any form of a towel on us. At first we would allow the sun to dry us but then suddenly we got an urge to lie on the sand. We buried ourselves in the sand and felt so young again. 

It was beyond perfect. 

It started getting late and we had to return home to help pack our picnic( which was going to be back on Clifton again ) so we began our journey and started walking home. 

On our way back we stopped for a drink at the Ambassador hotel. We lazed around on the pool deck until we thought that it was maybe time we actually get back. 

We had about 10 minutes to get ready before we went off to the beach again. 

It was the perfect evening for a picnic. Everything was so calm. There was a wedding celebration as well as people singing and little children playing in the sand. As the sun started to set deep conversations about the world started to erupt and everything felt so meaningful and right. 

I don't think this day could have been any better. 

Belliebun reunites

We created a twitter account so if you're interested here's the link: 

@belliebunx 

Coincidentally we happened to follow a girl that was doing the exact same thing so obviously we went to her blog. Realizing that we're around the same age and seeing her reason for starting her blog ( http://anaruizwriting.blogspot.com) was similar to ours we were just like how is this even possible. ( if you happen to be reading this, this is  really incredible and we can't manage to wrap our heads around this. ) 

So that was where our creepy night began, not creepiness but this strange feeling. We can't explain it. Well altogether the whole day felt almost odd in a way like we weren't really together, well maybe it's just because we haven't seen each other in what feels like forever. 

We happened to be sitting by the window when we saw a man walking down the street holding a candle. No one else seemed to notice which was strange (and this isn't a usual thing that happens you know ) 

We thought it could be a tribute to Nelson Mandela, as we do live in South Africa. 

It was a crazy but memorable start or beginning of something. 

"What if we're dreaming?" 

"It feels like someone's watching us?"