No more second chances

It's so awful I still don't feel like they are addressing me when teachers say matrics. It's like I know it's me they are talking to but my whole self just doesn't want to accept that this is my last year that there are no more second chances, in the academic aspect of my life at least. This is it. 

And I'm scared so scared for what's to come with finals and all but at the same time I'm just numb and I literally have no emotion. Although I know I have to give it my all now cause well as I said there are NO MORE SECOND CHANCES! Everything I do now is final and dictates my future. Even though right now I feel I don't even have a future and that I'm just going to stop existing one of these days. But having said all that I still can't manage to give my all and part of me hates myself for it while another part of me couldn't care less about anything. 

We have so many tests that just popped up in the last minute it's as though all the teachers just realized "woah it's almost the end of the term and these kids look so stressed out but let's stress them out some more, just for kicks." I'm writing chemistry, which I only found out about on Wednesday, today so I decided to wake up at 4am to study cause I was just too exhausted yesterday 

and well this is my study brake. 

Also I'm just getting more and more freaked out everyday because I still don't know what I'm going to do next year ahhh all this stress of tests and my future is going to drive me mental.  

Jai Paul - Btsu

My new favorite soooong. I've been listening to it an obscene amount lately and the feeling the song gives you pretty much sums up what my mood has been lately hahaha I hope you don't feel something completely different to what I feel cause that will just be awkward haha but I sort of know you'll get it cause well you are you and I am me and we aren't just ordinary friends aha   

Why can't we just be famous and chill with jayz and yeezy? 

Bun to Bellie 

I can't stop.

I am writing a science test tomorrow and obviously it would be beneficial if I was studying at this point in time and not spending it on tumblr and youtube. But that is just what I always end up doing. This term has felt like an exam term because there has not been a single day where I do not have to study. I can't even begin to imagine how awful the actual exam terms are going to be. and let us not even begin to talk about finals.

Well all this procrastination led to me to a very uplifting music video. I honestly wish I could dance like the guy in the video.

you make my dreams come true, you you

holy moly me ohmy! ahh I actually don't know how to explain to you how much i love you. Your package is the most amazing thing ahh im sitting here drinking "liquid caramel" out of my huge blue mug and I'm near tears because well everything is just so amazing and wow.

you are most definitely the most wonderful person in my life aggg.

i just want this year to be gone so that our "real life" can start.

( Bun to Bellie)

nominate me for an oscar please?

I'm lying in bed with tonsillitis. How fantastic?  I am also trying very hard to stay awake for the oscars, which only come on, on south african television, at 3 am. I suppose I could just watch the rerun tomorrow? But thats not quite the same.

Just for interests sake here are some of the nominations. dum dum dumm
Best picture:
'American Hustle'
'Captain Phillips'
'Gravity'
'Her'
'Nebraska'
'Philomena'
'12 Years a Slave'
'The Wolf of Wall Street'

Best actor:
'Christian Bale'
'Bruce Dern'
'Leonardo di Caprio'
'Chiwetel Ejiofor'
'Mathew McConaughey'

Best Actress:
'Amy Adams'
'Cate Blanchett'
'Sandra Bullock'
'Judi Dench'

Now I have only seen one of the movies on that list and that is 'Gravity'. I can add that I have watched all the trailers for the others. But that doesn't count so I do feel very disappointed in myself to say the least. The Oscars is such a glamorous and elite event. I am so happy that Ellen De Generes is the host, she's such a remarkable woman.

So let's allow the anticipation to commence...

I did attend the Design Indaba this morning and I must say I was a bit disappointed. There were amazing things but also a lot of repetition from the previous year and I don't know it just missed that oomf. There was a 3D model printer which was incredible though. ahh. I mean how does it even work?? I think I stood there for at least an hour watching it "print" something.

The hours

This afternoon I watched this movie called 'The Hours' with Nicole Kidman and Meryl Streep. It Is such an intense and brilliant movie. I missed the start though so I wasn't entirely sure what exactly it was about. I researched the movie and realised that it is based on a true story and is about how Virginia Woolf wrote her novel, Mrs Dalloway. It was fantastic. Really emotionally draining, but great.

And then the strangest thing happened to me. My mother and I went out for dinner and as I looked up at the wall across us there was a quote on the wall by Virginia Woolf. I mean what are the chances?