This is one of the five points to live happily I have stuck on my wall. It's been there, next to my mirror, for so long that I don't even realise it's there anymore. But it just caught my eye tonight. I'm going to try read it everyday until it resonates with me and hopefully my life does become simple.
Everything just seems so complicated with applying for university and our parents that just never seem to understand how hard it is being our age like they were never younger than what they are now. I don't really know what I want from this life but I know that I don't want to be tied down not now not ever so obviously going to a full time university is not something I want but I feel so judged by everyone in my life for not wanting that, why can't I just be normal? Everyone thinks I'm this person who doesn't care about anything and it's not there fault it's mine because I don't let anyone really see the real me and to be honest I am a complete mess inside and the more I try to keep it together the worse I become. I hate that all these small things stress me out so much and that I don't really mind dying because it's not normal to not want to live anymore but I don't. I don't want to live. But I'm too afraid of not living. (I'm a very indecisive person with EVERY SINGLE ASPECT in my life.) And yeah saying something like "I don't want to live" is like saying "gee I have all these great people who care about me so much but I don't give two shits about them" but I do. I care about everyone in my life and I hate myself for having these thoughts because I have a life that I should be extremely greatfull for because many people have it far worse than me so why am I so stressed out about how "difficult" my life is? I just have a few decisions to make that aren't going to please everyone but it needs to be done so I don't see why I'm finding this so challenging?
Well to get back to the topic of this post, life is supposed to be simple and that's that. The only person that can complicate your life is you. Though it's awful realizing and accepting that you are in fact the only one who controls your happiness I think it's necessary. I still have a very long way to go in simplifying my life but I feel I'm getting closer to it just by knowing that life is simple and like they say where there's a will there's a way.
(Bun to Bellie)
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