on to the next one

Okay so as you should know by now: WE ARE DONE WITH HIGHSCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are both working to save and hopefully travel for the second half of the year :)

With finishing school and moving into the big world we have decided our blog was in desperate need for an upgrade and so we started a new one!!!!!!!

Its still called belliebun but its on wordpress now (we definitely recommend that if you are looking to start a blog of your own go straight to wordpress! It's a bit trickier to get the hang of but so worth it once you do)

link to our fresh start: belliebun

Baaaa

Okay. So obviously we are together again. School is also obviously one hundred percent finished. Now we are heading into this endless holiday. Well we, really really, hope that this holiday and the wonders and freedom along with it lasts forever. I mean it is sort of rather depressing that life can't just simply be one long free holiday. Perhaps this holiday will just give us a small taster of what we could turn our life's into : ONE perfect holiday.

Free topshop sweets 

2-in-1

the best speaker out there 

Clifton picnics

Lost track of time

We’re running out of time.

From this moment onwards we will forever be running, both from and towards time. From time in the sense that we are unable to ever really know if we are on the right track. We run from time because we are afraid of what the future may hold for us. Simultaneously we also run towards time in the sense that once we get caught up in something it is only moments until we can’t wait for it to be over. Waiting for the day to end, waiting for the weekend and waiting for a lunch break. It’s literally 13 days till we start our final examination for high school.

I just want to press pause even if it were just a minute or an hour of my day. Just to breathe and take in the fresh air and not be drowned by thoughts of my future as well as my present.

To be absolutely free of all worries.

Well what am I even writing this for if I feel as though I’m being chased by time. I should be outside enjoying what’s left of these free days.

Worry and carefree days.

Days of golden sunshine and crystalline pools.

I suppose the next time I make a post I will be finished with all my exams, seeing as that’s how fast time goes by these days, and waiting for the next mundane thing to pop into my life.  

I don't know what he is holding in this picture but let's pretend it's a remote that can pause this illusion we call life: 

                                                                         (bellie-bun) 

Everything I touch turns to gold.

Everything I touch turns to gold, then to coal. Everything I touch turns to rust, then to dust.

There is not a single expression that has explained my situation as clearly as this. Whenever I gain something in life I loose something else and everyone I bring into my life I hurt and push away. 

Basically I ditched a friend for a boy. I don't know how many times, leading up to this day, I knew how awful it is to that to someone. I don't even know where to begin to fix this. My only conclusion is that I should let all these people that I keep hurting live their lives without me because I'm polluting their lives like a greenhouse gas pollutes our environment. 

Reading over what I have said keeps making me think that it really isn't such a big deal I mean people go through far far worse things than this and hurt far deeper than I am assuming I am right now. But somehow I just can't seem to feel like everything is going to be okay and I feel as though this has taught me something about myself that I was hoping would never be true. 

I feel like watching Palo Alto and pretending like I am nothing and that all these problems will just melt away. I want to block out everything and everyone

                                                                    (bellie-bun)

Fame is your generations black plague

Last night I watched Palo Alto, after your recommendation to, and it was utterly perfect. The way it portrays our generation is so real and accurate. I mean I feel like her almost always – lost and partially invisible – the only part about the movie I didn’t like was the ending. I mean it just felt like a movie that needed to end in a slightly more emotional way, sadder. Maybe I’m just over-thinking this.  

After watching the movie I researched Emma Roberts, she was always my inspiration when I was younger but I had completely forgotten, and saw the movie Adult World. I then decided to watch that. Ah it was also so amazing.

That is where I got the title of my post “Fame is your generations black plague” and it just made so much sense. I mean so many of us just want fame and glory but what is the truth behind that you know?

Anyway I don’t feel like any of what I just wrote made any sense but then again nothing ever does to me.

I am writing my English literature paper tomorrow on the Great Gatsby and The Crucible and of course a million poems. I just wish we weren’t allowed to study for this paper and that we were able to interpret it in our own way and what we think are the meaning behind all the metaphors and what nots.

My obsession with music is just growing stronger every single day. Okay let me just be honest I have always been like this but it has become so bad! I mean during my exam I get all excited and think “my oh my I can’t wait to be done so I can listen to some music.” 

                                                           (bellie-bun) 

Simple

Life is after all simple do not complicate it.  

This is one of the five points to live happily I have stuck on my wall. It's been there, next to my mirror, for so long that I don't even realise it's there anymore. But it just caught my eye tonight. I'm going to try read it everyday until it resonates with me and hopefully my life does become simple. 

Everything just seems so complicated with applying for university and our parents that just never seem to understand how hard it is being our age like they were never younger than what they are now. I don't really know what I want from this life but I know that I don't want to be tied down not now not ever so obviously going to a full time university is not something I want but I feel so judged by everyone in my life for not wanting that, why can't I just be normal? Everyone thinks I'm this person who doesn't care about anything and it's not there fault it's mine because I don't let anyone really see the real me and to be honest I am a complete mess inside and the more I try to keep it together the worse I become. I hate that all these small things stress me out so much and that I don't really mind dying because it's not normal to not want to live anymore but I don't. I don't want to live. But I'm too afraid of not living. (I'm a very indecisive person with EVERY SINGLE ASPECT in my life.) And yeah saying something like "I don't want to live" is like saying "gee I have all these great people who care about me so much but I don't give two shits about them" but I do. I care about everyone in my life and I hate myself for having these thoughts because I have a life that I should be extremely greatfull for because many people have it far worse than me so why am I so stressed out about how "difficult" my life is? I just have a few decisions to make that aren't going to please everyone but it needs to be done so I don't see why I'm finding this so challenging?

Well to get back to the topic of this post, life is supposed to be simple and that's that. The only person that can complicate  your life is you. Though it's awful realizing and accepting that you are in fact the only one who controls your happiness I think it's necessary. I still have a very long way to go in simplifying my life but I feel I'm getting closer to it just by knowing that life is simple and like they say where there's a will there's a way. 

(Bun to Bellie)

Gold

Every time I make a post it honestly feels like it has been forever. Basically it is due to the fact that it is almost December. I mean when August ends, to me that is like the year ending. After August it is just exams exams exams and more exams and then December holidays is like a year on its own. I actually can not wait any longer.

Soon we will be able to relax... We will just imagine that Knysna is an island.

So I wasn't accepted into the University which I really wanted to get into. And it sort of made me think about my future, not that I ever don't think about my future, but I just thought to myself whether studying is what I should be doing next year. I mean what if this has all happened for a reason.

onto my next topic. Music has become a serious addiction. I cannot go a single day without listening to music at least 70 percent of the time. Perhaps it is because I just can't bring myself accept feelings that I, in a sense, almost block everything off in order to stay away from that which I fear.

Anyway I really am hoping that everything turns out as we planned because this is all we have ever wanted x